julchen11 | Kingdom of Loneliness

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Title : Kingdom of Loneliness
Letter 15
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG

Dear Zeke,

this is a letter you won't get but I have to write it anyway…

When I woke up yesterday you haven't been there. I smiled… I felt so happy.

I got up looking for you because I couldn't wait for my very first good morning kiss.

You sat in your kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Zeke…"

Nothing.

Ok. You're definitely not a morning person.

When I put my arms around you trying to kiss you - you flinched. "What's up, Zeke?"

"You must go now, Casey" you said without any emotion and pushed me away.

I couldn’t believe what you’ve said so I had to ask you “You want me to go?”

"It's better if you go … NOW!" you said quietly.

No, you couldn’t be serious. “Are you ok, Zeke?” Nothing. I watched you – red face, eyes blood-shot… “Zeke?” – “Go, Casey. Go. Now” You nearly snapped at me. Oh no, Mister.

"You’re scared, aren’t you?"

“Why should I? What didn’t you understand when I said GO NOW!!!”

“Oh, you are scared that we might be close, too close… Or that people might know you might like – I don’t say love – LIKE me, or that you are gay… “

You looked at me.. What did you see, Zeke? Did you see ME?

Hands in the pockets of your jeans you nearly yelled "Just open the door and go!!!. And DON'T.COME.BACK!"

"But why? Why, Zeke?"

You said nothing anymore.

Oh, now I knew … "It was a game for you, wasn’t it, Zeke?"

"If you say so" you grumbled…

Oh my god!

I didn't understand, just grabbed my bag and ran out of your house.

I don't know how I made it home. What happened? Why did you treat me like this?

It was a game for you - a fucking game.

This can't be, no… I won't believe it. I thought there's something special going on between us. Wishful thinking…

Where's the man I met last night?

This man is a stranger to me, cold, cold as ice.

-.-.-.-.-

Now, 6 days later, I didn't hear a single word. You haven't been at school. That was it then? Over and out? I just want to understand, wouldn't it be fair?

I couldn't even cry, not a tiny single tear. The shock is still too deep.

You told me it was a game for you… a game… But who's the winner, Zeke?

You? No, there's no winner.

I remember you told me you would hurt me. You never lied to me. So this must be true.

I was such a fool to think you could feel something for me.

I have to accept it – it's the end of the show.

Casey

I hope you’re all having a wonderful Sunday, my friends.

I’m still at home, still sick but I’m feeling better, because I'm allowed to take some little walks :-)

Love,

Julchen

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

** gasp for air **

Julchen! You can't do this! This can't be the end of it .... no, I will never believe!

Oh Casey, don't be such a fool. Think about it! Think of all he told you! Think of all his behavior! And you will understand! He don't want to hurt you - and he just send you away, because he is afraid that he will hurt you one day! Because he likes you, he loves you all too much ...

You told me it was a game for you… a game… But who's the winner, Zeke?
You? No, there's no winner.

Oh, how sad. It's heartbreaking. I hope Zeke will come to his senses and realize he's wrong to send Casey away.

Oh, no! Casey you can't give up on him, he does love you. You have to find a way to reach him!

I'm sorry to hear you are still sick, love. Hopefully you will be better soon.

*hugs*

I hope you're feeling better soon sweetie.

They both have some thinking to do, Casey should realize Zeke didn't mean what he said and Zeke must realize he needs Casey as well.

Wait--wait, NO! What're you DOING? Stop it at once! Get Zeke to put 'I'm sorry, I love you' notes in his locker, roses on his desk--stop the madness!! ARGH!

(It's good, though, lol! *HUG*)

This is so sad. Poor Casey!

I'm sorry you're still sick sweetie. This is taking you a long time to get over i think. But at least you can get out and about a little bit now. I hope you feel more like your old self soon. *hugs*

Ultimately, these words ring so true.
"I couldn't even cry, not a tiny single tear. The shock is still too deep.
You told me it was a game for you… a game… But who's the winner, Zeke?
You? No, there's no winner.
I remember you told me you would hurt me. You never lied to me. So this must be true.
I was such a fool to think you could feel something for me."

Zeke is cruel here. Any person who treast another like this after sharing emotions, is cruel. In this case, I would want Casey to accept it and move on to another who would not hurt him this way.
Its sad. I hope you fell better soon sweet Julchen. much love and many warm hugs xooxxo v

Awwww, you made me smile, sweetie!
It's still hard to accept what happened for both of them. Next letters will be up soon, honey.

Thanks a lot for your heartfelt word.

Love,
Julchen

Oh my this is so sad!!!
Poor Casey ;O;
(And poor Zeke because we all know that Casey isn't the only one who is suffering)
Awww!!! Let's them be together again, hon!!!♥

Love sometimes hurts ...
Thank you, sweetie!

Thank you, sweetie! I'm sure time will come when Zeke realizes that he loves Casey...

I'm still at home *sigh* and there's no end to see...

*hugs back tight*

Thanks a lot, sweetie!

"They both have some thinking to do..." more than true, honey. More than true!

LOL! You're such a dear, sunshine!!!
*hugs close*

You read it!!!! *twirls you around*
Thank you, honey!

I'm still at home (I'll be at home for at least 4 weeks the doctor says) and there's so less I can do without falling asleep *sigh*
But I hope I'll be ok soon. Don't worry, Belle. I'll survive :-))
*hugs you very tight*

Zeke is cruel here, that's true. But I think he's the most cruel to himself.
But Casey is a fighter, isn't he?

Thanks a lot, sweet angel. I'm still at home - the doc says it will last quite a wile - but I'm in a very good mood.
I'm thinking of you, my dear!

Love and biggest hugs back at you,
Julchen

"Let them be together again..."
I'll see what I can do :-))

Thank you, baby! It's always wonderful knowing you around.

*clings to you*

*cuddles*
♥♥♥

Awww, you're always such a darling!
*smoochies*

Oh, no, this is so painful.

Casey, dreaming of his first mornign kiss. Is there anything sadder than such sweet optimism being totally betrayed? And for his hopes to all come undone in such a horrible wrenching scene. Poor Casey! I really ache for him and for Zeke too. What must he be feeling? Sabotaging himself so cruelly after the most incredible and revelatory night of his life? Is he too scared by what was revealed? Unable to handle the deep emotions Casey unlocked in his soul? From all that beautiful intimacy, his heart now seems frozen. What terrible thoughts he must have wrestled with as Casey lay sleeping. Does Zeke think he doesn't deserve happiness? Or does he really believe he's dangerous to those he loves?

You have shown us how wonderful it could be, Julchen. We can only hope and hope that somehow the boys will find their way back to each other.

*squeezes tight*

Thank you sooo much, my dear. I love your comment, it shows me you're still in the story and this makes me going on.

Zeke is still hiding behind these walls of stone, I’m sure there are words he never said and that are not the words he said to Casey. He’s bottled up inside himself and Casey senses it but he just doesn’t know what to do. Now he feels the numbness inside and this holds him back to do something. Still shocked he tries to accept the truth. But is it the truth? We will see …

Love you,
Julchen

Kingdom of Loneliness

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