It's a birthday!

[julchen11]

Happy birthday my dear keye  !
It's been quite a while I've seen you - may this day be full of love and joy, sunshine and smiles, people you like and you love.
I wish you all the very best, my friend!

Love and hugs,
Julchen

This is for you, sweetheart:

Title: The Lie
Pairing: S/E
Rating: PG

I made him exquisitely happy,

but at the same time

I caused him all sorts of pain.

What a friend am I?

Am I a friend at all?

He’s still so young and

I’m still so cowardly.

 

He knows the biggest battle

is with myself.

 

Because he knows me.

He always could read my thoughts.

 

No one comes close to

him.

Nobody has his big heart

full of care.

And I

sent him away.

 

I always wanted him

I never wanted him.

Inconsistent, isn’t it?

 

More than once

I was thinking about

my parting words,
and pondering the reasons why

I said them.

 

“You are my friend.

Nothing more.

There was never more,

There  will never be more…”

 

What a lie.

There IS much more,

It always was there.

It hasn’t changed.

 

Getting out of his way

was easy

and yet

it was the hardest thing

I ever did.

I took the line

of the least resistance.

 

Then why can’t I stop wondering

if the sight of his face

will ever light up my eyes again?

Am I afraid of losing him?

 

I miss the memories we made

together.

How we talked and laughed

every day.

How the words he told me

comforted me even

in the deepest fears I had.

Does he still mean that much to me?

After all these years?

 

No.

He’s only a friend.

 

In all my born days

I never heard a bigger lie.

 

Get to your senses Mr. Astin

and stay true.

If not for him

then for yourself.

 

You love him

whether or no.

.