Make today so awesome yesterday gets jealous

Here's whishing you a very special day as special as you are, my dear mews1945
Without you this world would be a darker place - thank you so much for all you're doing for us!
And now enjoy your birthday, I'm wishing you lots of love, people to hug and to kiss, sunshine, flowers, happiness.
Your wishes are my wishes for you.
And here's a little something - I hope you'll enjoy.

Title: The little garden of Eden
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: none


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I'm so sorry for being late, sweetheart! I Hope you had a wonderful day filled with love, joy, laughter, sunshine, starlight and happiness!
I'm wishing you all the very best.




I just finished a little something and I hope you'll like it.
As always NO BETA, all mistakes are MINE!

Title: Blissful ignorance
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: G

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Ink.
Paper.
Desk and chair.
Light.
You don’t need more.
It’s all there – the pages are still blank, and yet – there’s this miraculous feeling words, sentences, stories are  there already.
 
Words. You have to listen… just paying  attention to the sound of words, arranging them to make them visible.
Writing … is mystery to me. Because it doesn’t … you don’t  need much making riddles out of answers.
You only need … letters formed to words.
The first word, the first line can make it work when words simply … flow.
From your brain … to your fingers … to paper.
 
When something’s bothering me, haunting me like the demons of our past to only way to calm me down is writing.
I’m thinking about the demons, how we fought them.  
Slowly and fast.
Under pressure and by choice.
Alone and together.
Together … what a meaningful word… can I call it word only?
 
Tonight. The night after the monster was weird, it’s still weird because this night isn’t over.
It was the night Casey asked me to stay, not to leave him alone.
I looked around to find an old rocking chair to sleep in.
Casey made a gesture to the other side of the bed “It’s space for both of us…We both fit in here” he said in a low voice.
I hadn’t slept much the last days and laying down just felt good.
Slowly his breathing came at ease in the dark.
 
Nightmares. I woke up instantly when Casey sat up in bed and gasped, breathing painfully fast.
When I called his name, putting my hand on his small shoulder he turned his eyes on me
looking … surprised. It seemed he had forgotten that I was there.
 
Sobs. “It all comes back, Zeke. When I close my eyes … I’m facing it again, I can see it all. Over and over again…”
I couldn’t help myself staring at him. My heart felt heavy when I realized the wounds and bruises on Casey’s face. Visible ones. What got me more were the invisible ones, they always are much harder to bear.
 
Eyes. Endless misery. He was so pale, so fragile … and haunted. Skin sweaty and clammy.
He swallowed a couple of times, looked miserable – I’ve never seen him like this before not even the last night. He sounded … broken when he nearly choked “Yesterday I learned how quickly  all can be over…”
 
For some time I just laid there, trying to find the right words to reassure him, to make this stop. To make him feel better. To make me feel stronger.
To me he’s always fragile, like he’s made of glass – he always makes me want to protect him.
 
Pain. When I looked at him at this moment made my heart ached … all the innocence was gone. Irretrievably lost.
 
He whispered “I feel like I should do something … let people know what they mean to me…”
Casey’s eyes shimmered with tears as he stared at me, the moonlight danced on his face, silhouetted his lean body.
 
Touch. He looked at me with serious expression as I brushed his cheek lightly, he didn’t even move when I pressed my lips on his.
 
Right or wrong? I’m still not sure what was going on. I’m not sure why he let it happen. Perhaps we both needed to know that we’re not alone, that there was someone who … cared. That there was someone who wanted to hold us.
We kept kissing softly, tenderly, endlessly and this wasn’t playfully. It was meaningful.
 
Space-time-continuum. I didn’t even register it was Casey next to me – we both became weightless, formless, anonymous, bodiless – there was just this enormous feeling of … care.
Everything had lost meaning. It was just me and Casey … but…
Casey wasn’t Casey anymore, even I myself had vanished … it felt like between heaven and earth, between two trees, somewhere in the universe …
We were on the way to vanish into thin air, as was the room, the sheets, the bed, air and time. But we were safe, safe in the here and now.
 
When I broke the kiss and opened my eyes he looked at me with an expression on his face I’d never seen. Not by him, not by anyone.
 
It was wrong, it shouldn’t be happening.
Was it really that wrong? Why not letting it happen?
Seeing his eyes, full of pain and … trust I pressed my lips on his again.
I could feel his slow breathing and the drumming heartbeat. We kept our eyes closed when I stopped again.
With my hands in his we fell asleep.
 
Maybe in the morning all would be gone, maybe in the morning we would regret what happened.
But now it felt right, it was the night of blissful ignorance.  Probably it was the only night
without fear and dark, it was the night we just cared.
 
Possibly it would be a start , perhaps it COULD be a start.
 
How did he say? I feel like I should do something … let people know what they mean to me…”
 
I think I should do this, too.
 
I woke up one hour later only with  this urgent feeling to write.
To write it all down. Now I’m sitting here pouring my soul into my writing.
Teardrops smudge the ink written  words … blurring the boundaries between presence and future.
 
So let me swim with you, Casey … to the darkest and deepest corner of your brain.  People survive pain. People survive  hurt. So why wouldn’t we be two of the people surviving this…
 
Crawling back beside him  his sleeping presence is flooding me with emotions.  I’m so glad he finally sleeps as I’d so like to be him awake – because  his eyes draw me to a place of peace, peace …
 
That’s all we need for now.
 
-.-

Happy birthday to my dear friendaddie71 
I hope you're having a wonderful day because you deserve all the very best -
fun, sunshine, happiness and lots and lots and lots of LOVE.

Thank you for your always lovingly words, I'm so glad to know you.People like you make the world a better place.

This little something is for you, sweetheart. I hope you'll like it.

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Lots of love and biggest birthday hugs and kisses,
Julchen

Happy birthday my dear friend!
I hope you'll have a wonderful day with all the things and people you love and you like!

Here's a little something for you, I hope you'll enjoy!

Title: Little things
characters: Casey (Zeke implied)
Rating: PG

It’s incredible. He’s incredible. It happened all too quick. Really? I’m still not used to this… closeness.

There wasn’t time. Time for what? For talking? For dreaming together? Or something like that.

He said we shouldn’t waist time. We should just do it. If it would be that easy for someone who isn’t used to it. So what is it anyway?

 

It is new to me that there’s someone interested in me, how I feel, what I think.

He tries to find answers together with me … answers to weird questions, questions that keep me awake.

 

For example- who gave the different clouds those gorgeous names? Why does my neighbour Mr. Hayley only wear blue socks? Why do I hate buttons? How big are all the little things really?

 

Little things. Little things that make life so beautiful.

Why do we always have to think big? There are so many things that can really make your day.

 

When I feel down for whatever reason I like to go to a high point, sit down and observe almost the whole city down. I like to spend some time at just one of my special places where I feel at peace and where I can take my mind off from troubles and worries.

 

There are so many things – making a list is impossible, but it is easy to miss them if we are inattentive. I try to keep an eye out … always… but sometimes our life as humans really block our senses.

 

When I was a child I loved to spend a summer afternoon in a tree, having a cherry coke. I still love it so why don’t I do it anymore? Because I’m mature?

 

 

 

The little thing I recalled today was the change of Zeke’s facial expression from that of being lost and sad to one of being felt cared for when I said “good morning” in the early morning hours, when I arrived soaked to the bones because of pouring summer rain but nevertheless hugged him tight.

When I asked him “how are you?” he knew I really wanted to know.

When something bad happens, and after a while when you feel better, you can see how much you learn, and become stronger from this things…

When you see you learn in life. I think now we understand the beauty of living, the reason of living.

 

We talked about little things –

The smell of heavy rain, and waiting to fall on a windless humid day.

The sound of soft rolling thunder in the distance approaching.

A desert that makes you think ‘mmmmmm…. This is sooooo good!’

The foggy morning when he doesn’t have to drive.

The man on the radio that we hear every morning.

A bicycle race downhill.

Strawberry ice cream in winter.

The first cup of coffee on Saturday when there is no urgency at all.

The smell of hay.

Playing with a puppy or a little kitten.

Laying in the grass watching the clouds passing by slowly and doing nothing at all.

 

 

 

The facts that we can see, feel, hear and talk.

And that we are not alone anymore.

 

Then there it was – the special little thing that made my day… sunshine upon his face while listening to me.

 

 

 

Fact is that I have someone to share all this things we often take for guaranteed.

I have a confidant, and a friend.

Someone to love,

Someone who loves me for what I am.

 

Simply me. .-.-.-.-

Love and hugs,
Julchen

 

My dear lireeli, I'm so sorry I'm too late.
I hope you had a wonderful day with all the love you deserve! (and you deserve a lot)

I wish you all the very best for the coming year.
Thank you for being such a wonderful friend!

Here's a little something and I hope you'll like it a bit *fingers crossed*

Love and huuuuuuuuuuugest belated birthday hugs,
Julchen


Title: Morning hours
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG

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Happy birthday my sweet prisca1960 !!!
May this day be very very special - as special as you are.
Thank you so much for your wonderful friendship, your wonderful letters, ficlets, stories.
You've brightened my days so many times.
I wish you all the very best: your wishes are my wishes for you.

Love and biggest hugs,
Julchen

And here's a little something for you. I hope you'll enjoy!

Title: "Colors"
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG
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Happy birthday my dear friend babydracky !
Thank you so much for all the joy you brought into my life.
Have the most wonderful day with lots of fun, love, joy .
Your wishes are my wishes for you!

Here's a little something for you, sweetie!

Title: Poinsettia
Characters: Zeke/Casey
Rating: G

Another time the cut won't work *sigh*

Part 1

He couldn’t stand crowds.

He couldn’t stand lies.

He couldn’t stand false friends.

And there are many.

He realized it when he had his coming out.

He likes to be with true friends. There were only few –Stan, Stokes and Casey.

Casey. What a lie. He was no friend. He was his secret. His confidant. His lover.

The last only in his dreams so far. He is a coward. Usually he couldn’t stand this, too.

But how to tell him what he really wanted?

Sometimes when he talks to Casey it seems he already knows.

Why had he held his hand in the cinema?

Why had he hugged him for good-bye today?

Why did he call him daily at the weekend?

And the smiles, gazes – he blushes whenever Zeke smiles at him.

Zeke feels like he’s going to learn how to walk.

What did Stokes say? “Men are almost like snails, but much slowlier.”

Step by step he felt more secure.

As he said he hated crowds and yet he invited Casey to visit the Christmas market

at the garden centre today. It was time for some poinsettias, wasn’t it?

Yule was close and those plants he loves most. Red and strong leaves, little yellow- white little blossoms. To him they speak of beauty, peace and joy. Like Casey.

They arrive in the garden centre of his friend Sam in the afternoon.

“Hey, Zeke. It’s nice to see you. Casey, I guess? Come along – I got a special beauty for you.” He finds a beautiful shrub with large red flowers – poinsettias! It takes his breath away. Sam smiles at Casey, nudges his elbow and giggles “He’s such a sucker for these beauties, as much as for you…”

“Oh Sam…” Zeke groans – not alone because of the flowers.

“Take it as a gift, boy!” with these words Sam waves and says good-bye.

What is Casey thinking? A sucker for a plant and for him… Where’s the hole he could jump in… But Casey … smiles, takes his hands, tiptoes and kisses him briefly, whispering against his lips “Why didn’t you say anything, Zeke…”

As if he would know what to say NOW?! Casey kissed him. Casey kissed him. He’s still holding his hands… Do it, Zeke! Mustering up all his courage he puts his arms around Casey and kisses him back. Soft and slow, lips quivering – this was hot. This was … incredible.

Casey starts giggling … “Let’s go home poinsettia boy, and tell me something about these plants.”

No, this must be dream. But now one woke him up. It was real. He is real. Casey is real. The kisses were real. He nearly bursts out “Are we a couple now, Casey?” which makes Casey laugh and Zeke blush. Casey looks at him with eyes crystal clear and illuminating – “Of course, silly. Do you think I’d kiss a boy I don’t care about, I don’t … love…?”

Oh my god! Casey loves him! Him. Zeke. He. Loves. Him. This makes him melt like vanilla ice cream in summer, no – like strawberry ice cream in winter!

Casey loves him.

“Zeke?”

Casey looks at him like he would be a hero.

“I …”

Three words, only three words and they won’t come out.

“I know, Zeke… I know…”

And he kisses him again. Fire and ice, thunder and lightning, every color of this universe plays ping-pong behind his eyes.

He is burning and soon there’ll be only a little heap of ashes left if he won’t be careful.

But he doesn’t care.

It’s the ‘now’ that counts. The rush of blood in his ears and the kisses of his soon to be lover makes him feel like walking on cotton wool on cloud number 9.

Yes. December is great. Poinsettias are beautiful. And Casey is enchanting.

End of part 1

Have a wonderful weekend f-list!

Love and hugs,
Julchen

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
happy biiiiirthday dear romeny
happy birthday to youuuuuuuu!
(Be glad that you can't hear me!)

I hope you'll have a wonderful day with all the love and joy that you deserve (and you deserve TONS of it)!!!
Thank you so much for being my friend!

Here's a little something for you, sweetheart!

Love and biiiiiggest hugs,
Julchen

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