This is for my dear friend
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lijahlover, thank you for being my friend! 
Title: Mother
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG
Beta by my dear friend
aliensouldream, Thank you, my dear for everything! You never really know what comes next.
I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard voices through the open bedroom window. Someone was weeping? Looking outside I saw Casey … holding Zeke?!
What was going on there? I have to admit – I couldn’t stop eavesdropping.
They seemed to be very close, not only physically.
It wasn’t what I expected, though it didn’t really surprise me.
My son kissed Zeke!
A moment of … passion, so easily shared … with no regret, with no fear.
I felt a bit injured under the shadow of this power.
They whispered, I couldn’t hear all, only snatches of their conversation like ‘secrets… lies…’
Zeke turned around, facing Casey “I didn’t even live in my dreams. I never trusted anyone, especially I didn’t trust myself…” Casey replied something too quiet I couldn’t understand.
The word ‘mother’ made me listen again. It was Zeke, his voice so full of … pain.
“She isn’t sorry for hurting me, for making me cry. But no matter what happened, she’ll still be my mother and I love her, sort of… To be part of a family feels strange to me I guess,
A family where love is shown, where hurt is shared. I’m glad you’re my family now, Casey. I’m sorry for being so emotional, for being possessive.”
A mother is someone you can’t replace. He misses her so much, it breaks my heart. He’s so sad for all the time his embrace was empty of his mother, tears of agonizing pain.
My son kissed him again. Watching them made me feel weak.
“Sometimes I hated myself that much I hurt myself with … burning cigarettes, knives, razor blades. Every single scar on my arms reminds me of this time…”
I couldn’t trust my eyes, my Casey kissed every little spot on his arms, shoulders, hands.
Zeke’s head was now buried in Casey’s hands. Oh my, this kid is so hurt.
Casey whispered, barely to hear “I’ll knock the poison of pain and bitterness out of your head, Zeke. I’ll help you to face the past…”
“Casey… It’s so hard to draw the line from what I can’t control. I’m sure you’ll find the path to my fears but it won’t be easy. Not for you. Especially not for me. My only fear about us is that you’ll change when I’m away…”
Casey kissed him over and over again, very soft and gently and it simply feels right to me.
“The people at school, so many faces .. most of them have more than one. To face the past means to face those people, Case…”
It was hard to bear. There’s something special between those boys, something deeper than… than what? Love? Zeke trusts my son, he reveals the truth, I hope they’ll handle it .
It’s so sad how people you know become people you knew. My god, what have they done to him. I decided to leave them alone, though sleep wouldn’t come.
Sitting in the kitchen hours later I couldn’t get their voices, their images out of my head.
Now I remember their gazes, their slight touches, their hugs, the way they smiled … it all makes sense now. How could I be that blind?
Zeke showed up a little later, waiting for Casey. I couldn’t help myself, I just had to let him know - out of the blue to be exactly - “Come over whenever you want, Zeke. You’re always welcome.” I’ll never forget the expression on his face – shocked, sad, shy … happy, too.
He looked so young … and ran outside. Well done, Mrs. Connor. I followed him – slowly.
“Zeke?” He didn’t turn around, just whispered “Just a second, Mrs. Connor, please…”
This guy has still so many tears to cry … I wanted to take him into my arms but I only squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll call Casey…”
Casey just came home, late as always, giving me a huge hug and an incredible bouquet of summer flowers. I was surprised, then I found a little note “Thank you, Z.”
How beautiful is this? Very moving, too. Who could blame Casey for loving him? And love it is. Casey smiled at me, I think he knew, and whispered “In secret love grows when souls touch.”
I think I’ll like his boy, too. As I said ‘you’re welcome, Ezekiel
Though Mr. Connor will be a hard nut to crack.
Love you all,
Julchen
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Date: 2008-08-02 10:35 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 03:02 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 11:29 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 03:02 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 04:17 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 03:03 pm (UTC)From:Thank you, my dear !
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Date: 2008-08-03 05:53 am (UTC)From:I love Caseys mom for doing this. And I'm sure: one day she and Casey will also convince Mr. Connor. It's unthinkable, that someone could resist Zeke!
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Date: 2008-08-04 03:04 pm (UTC)From:Who could resist this guy *sigh*
Thank you, Prisca, for your lovely words.
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Date: 2008-08-03 03:16 pm (UTC)From:*hugs* Lovely story!
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Date: 2008-08-04 03:05 pm (UTC)From:Mothers are like that, aren't they?
Thank you, Steff! Your words mean a lot to me *snugglehugs back*
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Date: 2008-08-05 12:51 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 03:25 am (UTC)From:So much darkness and light in this tale. Zeke's past has more hurt than we guessed, dark inner depression driving him to extremes of self-harming. No wonder his emotional breakthrough with Casey is so powerful. You wonder if Casey realises just what he's taking on with such loving confidence but maybe only such innocence could see them through.
“I’ll knock the poison of pain and bitterness out of your head, Zeke. I’ll help you to face the past…”
I like the toughness of that phrase. Nothing too fluffy-sweet, no - it's tough love for Zeke. I wonder where Zeke is going away to? I hope it's not for too long. He needs Casey's faith and strength.
Casey's Mom is adorable here. Not judging or recoiling but letting them have their space and extending her emotional warmth to Zeke as she does her son. I think I’ll like his boy, too. What a fabulous mother she is, trusing her son's instincts that way. She's wonderful! It's nice to think of Zeke 'gaining a mother' too.
The last line is wryly humorous but also reminds us that that there are complications and barriers to complete happiness and that the road may not be so simple from here onwards.
This packs a lot of story into a small space and the POV gives us an extended view of Casey and Zeke's world, which is complex, filled with joys and sorrows.
Beautiful and unusual and very touching. They make a wonderful family. Thank you, Julchen!
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Date: 2008-08-09 10:54 pm (UTC)From:I think Mother Connor will give Mr. Connor a little nudge (if necessary) ... though fathers are always hard to crack :-)
I was so nervous posting it, but my wonderful beta *points at you* gave me the courage to do it.
Love you, my dear!
Have a gorgeous weekend!
Julchen
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Date: 2008-08-09 03:03 pm (UTC)From:Gorgeous and big hugs for you!!! I noticed I didn't have you in friends and couldn't figure that out. I hope you don't mind me friending you. xoxoxo v
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Date: 2008-08-09 10:56 pm (UTC)From:This little "thing" just needed a little joke at the end :-) I'm glad it worked for you.
"I hope you don't mind me friending you."
YAY! That's so lovely! *clings and never lets you go*
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Date: 2008-08-11 06:38 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-13 09:30 pm (UTC)From:You like it!!!! I'll go to bed with a smile tonight, Amy. Thanks again. You're simply a darling!
Love and kisses,
Julchen