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but I'll be at home in 3 hours, YAY!
Title: A Letter for Casey
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG
you’re visiting your parents at the moment, so I’ll take the opportunity so tell you something. In an – for me – unusual kind of way. Tomorrow will be our 3rd anniversary. And I’m still as happy as on our very first day. No, that’s not true – my love for your grows day by day. I told you once ‘I noticed today that I love you more than yesterday’, this hasn’t changed. Last night you called me a ‘dreamer’, this made me laugh. But I had to think about it as well as about the last years.
Many thoughts were born in the course of a moment, some of them in an hour, some of them in a day. Some are still dreams, some visions. Sometimes it isn’t easy to distinguish between them. But not all dreams are visions. It took me quite a time to accept that my inner urges became reality. Holding you tight, meeting you in my dreams is very encouraging, it makes me sure we will be together for a long long time. Time far and beyond life.
I’m not a dreamer I thought not so long ago, now I have to say I was wrong. No one, not even I for myself, has the right to limit my dreams. With you I love to explore, discover, dream… with this we’ll create our future. It’s the imaginations that create beauty and happiness, for me this is YOU and you mean everything to me. Our dreams and imaginations show us our possibilities, it simply depends on us what we’ll make of it.
You always get me with your way you’re listening, how to give me your attention. It’s the loving silence with its power that makes me feel stronger. I love to know I am not alone, I love most to know WE are not alone. You trust me – ‘with your life’ you said, isn’t there a greater compliment?
I learned that deep inside me there’s only a single magic, a single power … it’s called “love”. I no longer fly from suffering, from hurt , from pain…
I love you – not only for what you are but for what I am when I’m with you. You are my beloved and my friend. You have this sense of wonder and mystery. I didn’t look for love, I didn’t care about it – maybe I would have discovered all the barriers within myself I’ve built against it. I didn’t search for love because love didn’t exist. Until I found you.
Every day with you feels like a beginning? Beginning? No. There’s no beginning, there’s no end. There are only middles … Sometimes I’m confused, you said it’s because I pay attention. I admire you though I don’t really understand what you are going to say. It’s your ‘fault’ that the chaos in my soul faded, and I learned chaos and order aren’t enemies, only opposites. The dream of us, of being together with you, was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that’s a miracle. You made me see, you made me listen, you made me feel… There are no plans anymore only belief… that we belong together.
Now I feel bound, yet free. That’s how I love it. That’s why I love you. I thank God for the power he gave you to move my heart. And that you do. With every single glimpse of your eyes, with every single touch of your hands … you make me feel alive.
As I said, Casey – I feel again.
Love you,
Zeke
Have a wonderful Froday, F-list! See you later.
Love and hugs,
Julchen
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2008-08-22 12:56 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 09:02 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 03:43 pm (UTC)From:Happy Froday to you too!
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:03 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 04:03 pm (UTC)From:That is so profound, Juls. Zeke's thoughts about Casey are so deep, and I love it that he understands that he's changed by loving Casey, but he's glad of it.
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:04 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 04:07 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 09:05 pm (UTC)From:Thank you, sunshine! *smooches*
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Date: 2008-08-22 04:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 09:05 pm (UTC)From:Thank you, my dear! *hugs you gently*
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Date: 2008-08-22 07:15 pm (UTC)From:Casey probably always interested him from afar but here we see how deeply Casey has changed Zeke's life and even more importantly his outlook. He has taken him from pessimism to optimism, from barriers to freedom. Of course he would laugh at being called a 'dreamer' - he sees himself as emminently practical and realist but I think sometimes those are the greatest dreamers; it's just that their dreams are so fantastic that they accept they cannot be realised. For Zeke, love was an impossible dream and now it is here, he is living it day by day. I love that he says "No one, not even I for myself, has the right to limit my dreams." Dreams are the only real freedom and we can train ourselves out of any mental cage.
The dream of us, of being together with you, was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that’s a miracle.
This is such a wonderfully perceptive passage, because it applies to all forms of happiness. To make that shift from living in dreams to the realisation of 'NOW' is often the hardest thing anyone can achieve.
chaos and order aren’t enemies, only opposites.
There is something very freeing in that phrase, as though it has made Zeke realise that a change of state does not alter the thing itself. He can be many things, and still be Zeke.
Now I feel bound, yet free.
This must be the ideal condition of love, of existence, to belong yet not be constrained, to be known yet still to own yourself.
As always I have to read your pieces several times to absorb the meaning. There is always more to see when I look closely.
Thank you for this beautiful letter, Julchen! You find yet new ways to bring us closer to our boys.
*cuddles*
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:58 pm (UTC)From:"Dreams are the only real freedom and we can train ourselves out of any mental cage."
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge and that dreams are more powerful than facts. Hope always triumphs over experience, love is stronger than anything... Dreams about Casey fills Zeke's world with a sweet melody - he slowly understands and accepts this magical love, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to joy.
"As always I have to read your pieces several times to absorb the meaning. There is always more to see when I look closely."
you can't imagine how relieved I am reading your lovely words, dear. I wrote this at dinner break because it just has to be written at once... Reading it again at home I wasn't sure if someone would understand what I wanted to say. I'm so glad it worked for you. More than glad.
Thank you, ASD! Have a magical night full of wonderful dreams underneath the stars.
Love and hugs,
Julchen
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Date: 2008-08-22 08:45 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 09:53 pm (UTC)From:That's more than true, sweetie *sighs and envies*
*hugs you*
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:21 pm (UTC)From:Thank you, darling, for this piece of Zeke's mind, so lovely!
As I said, Casey- I feel again.
*melts*
*and loves you*
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:52 pm (UTC)From:*loves and hugs you back*
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:47 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 09:51 pm (UTC)From:*hugs you tight*
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Date: 2008-08-22 11:23 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 07:43 pm (UTC)From:http://julchen11.livejournal.com/122661.html
I hope you'll like it a little bit :-)
Love and biiiiggest hugs,
Julchen
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Date: 2008-08-27 01:43 am (UTC)From:((hugs))
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Date: 2008-08-23 12:06 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 07:44 pm (UTC)From:Love,
Julchen
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Date: 2008-08-26 07:48 pm (UTC)From: