kingdom of Loneliness

[julchen11]

For my dear  mews1945 
Thanks a lot, sweetheart!

Title: Kingdom of Loneliness
         Letters 26 - 28
Pairing: C/Z
Rating: PG

Letter 26

 

Casey,

 

I’m glad I visited you today. When you opened the door I was shocked. You looked so pale and thin and sick…

You’re alive, that alone counts.

You’ve been very cold to me – no wonder.

You wouldn’ let me in but your mom called us inside.

I talked about school, the football team, Stan and Stokes.

I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You didn’t say much.

But it wasn’t also what I wanted to tell you.

Now being home again I don’t know what to do. I’m a fool, Casey.

It’s  only fair talking to you about what happened.

I want you to understand.

Let me know if this is ok for you.

 

Zeke

 

 

Letter 27

 

 

Zeke,

 

I’m still not sure if I want to see you again, if I want to hear anything.

But – as you say – it would be only fair.

Come over after school.

 

Casey.

 

Letter 28

 

Casey,

 

thanks for listening. It wasn’t easy for me talking about „it“ …

I couldn’t forget what happened and I couldn’t forget you.

You’ve got the conversation started … and you’ve been so very angry.

 

“So who was it asking ME for a dance? It was YOU kissing me first.

Remember?”

 

“That’s true, Casey. But I don’t regret it…”

 

“Oh, how wonderful. So I guess that was plan A for the game? Round 1 to you.

Be lovely to stupid little Casey – he’ll believe you everything. So plan A worked, Zeke. Congrats! I could still kill myself. I was such a damned fool!”

 

“Casey…”

 

“How could I be that blind? No… now it’s my turn. You’re incredible, you know that? A master of a game I didn’t know. It was easy to shoot a sitting duck, wasn’t it? I almost begged for being caught. It wasn’t your fault, Zeke. It was my failure…”

 

“Casey…”

 

When I took your hands you nearly screamed, furiously.

 

“DON’T touch me. I’m not used to this kind of play – I never will – and I don’t like it.

What did you think when I kissed and touched you? Oh let him do this – he should play around only one time in his boring life?”

 

“No, Casey. Let me…”

 

“No, Zeke! What? Do you want to explain the RULES? Didn’t I play FAIR?

You’ve  won, Zeke. Right?  It was an excellent show!”

 

“CASEY!”

 

“What? I didn’t like the final, Zeke. That’s all. I’m not the winner of this game, I never have been a winner but now I feel like a towel thrown into the laundry basket after being used.

I’m sure you DON’T understand it. Stupid little Casey was an easy prey, right? I’m glad YOU had fun!!!”

 

“Casey, may I say something?”

 

“Cool. Go ahead. What’s next? Be sure – I’m eager to know EVERYTHING about it but as I said – I’m not playing this shit again! How is it called by the way? Emotional Disaster especially for Dorks!!!? “

 

I couldn’t say anything for a while but I could understand that you were so furious, cynical and … hurt.

 

“Case, about the night…”

 

“I don’t wanna talk about the GAME, Zeke! Just explain the RULES – that will do it!”

 

You nearly spat at me.

 

“When I woke up this morning with you beside me I felt … happy…”

 

“MEEP! Player 1 back to Start!”

 

“Damned, Casey. I’m trying to explain…”

 

“The rules. I know. Go on…”

 

“Goodness! No! There are no rules…”

 

“No rules? What kind of game is this?”

 

“Casey. It wasn’t a game?”

 

“No game? Oh, then it had to be a BET!”

 

“NO!!!” My voice was much louder now, my anger grew…

 

“No game, no bet, no… whatever! Casey! May I talk now?”

 

You just nodded.

 

“When I woke up with you in my arms it felt so good. In my head I was screaming at the top of my voice because I felt so happy.”

 

“MEEP! Player 1 back to START!”

 

“Casey! I didn’t play. But the longer I was awake the more I was afraid you would regret it. I wasn’t Superman that night, I even wasn’t THE Zeke. I was so sure you’d laugh at me.”

 

“And? Did I laugh?”

 

“No, Casey. You didn’t.

 

“But what was wrong then? What have I done, Zeke?”

 

“Nothing, Casey. I know myself the best. I’m so sure I’d hurt you sooner or later.”

 

“You were right, Zeke…”

 

“I was so blind, Casey…”

 

 

Zeke

 

 

 

 

.

Comments

[honeyandvinegar.livejournal.com]

...did you post this twice...?? I read it again, anyway, lol!!

[julchen11.livejournal.com]

It's weird! I didn't post it at all, LOL. And now it shows up twice... LJ sometimes is a miracle :-) LOL

[i-o-r-h-a-e-l.livejournal.com]

I think I read these backwards. But that's okay. :)

The parts are awesome, love!

[julchen11.livejournal.com]

You make me blush, honey!

Love you,
Julchen

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Casey's so furious, and I don't blame him.

[julchen11.livejournal.com]

Casey's a little fighter, isn't he?

[babydracky.livejournal.com]

Oh my... Poor Casey... And poor Zeke!!!
They really need each other but don't know how to talk to each other.
*sobs*
You have to do something!!!!
By the way... Love it♥

[julchen11.livejournal.com]

The way they have to go won't be easy but ...

"You have to do something!!!"
LOL.

I'm so glad you still like it, honey!

*biggest hugs*

[aliensouldream.livejournal.com]

I LOVE Casey being so fiesty and true to himself. He doesn't feel constrained to be cool or to try and downplay his reactions to minimise any shame. No, he's forthright about his feelings, angry at being misled and betrayed and he's honest about it. It felt so refreshing to hear yelling at Zeke, and I even smiled at his grim joke 'Emotional Disaster especially for Dorks!!!' He even has the spirit to challenge Zeke and it was good to see Zeke sweating and begging for a change to explain himself.

Good for you, Casey. Your love is too precious to be treated like something disposable. And Zeke needs to hear it, whatever twisted excuses he's given himself.

*hugs your boys*

[julchen11.livejournal.com]

Zeke has to fight for Casey but that was expected, right?
What I love about Casey is that he's always true to himself, no matter what!
I think that's why he captured Zeke's heart (though Zeke won't admit it at first) :-)

*hugs you and our boys*